Maybe, I just will.
Jan. 6th, 2011 02:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
allopenstarI am really thinking about going ahead with it. To do that, it would mean that I will do it for the rest of my life. No matter how many people know, the number of the ones who don't will be far greater.
But the moment I think about having to defend myself, one person after another, I feel so lost. And I can never say I don't want to discuss it, or I am tired of it, because it will justify the viewpoints held by the person approaching me. And I am angry about that - that who I am is a statement of my life and judgment of my character.
I am so tired of having to defend myself, again and again. And these potential defenses are not against strangers who have their own opinions (goodness know they have), but are for those close to me.
It will be without doubt a tough uphill journey, and one day I will gather encourage to do it. Hopefully soon.
But the moment I think about having to defend myself, one person after another, I feel so lost. And I can never say I don't want to discuss it, or I am tired of it, because it will justify the viewpoints held by the person approaching me. And I am angry about that - that who I am is a statement of my life and judgment of my character.
I am so tired of having to defend myself, again and again. And these potential defenses are not against strangers who have their own opinions (goodness know they have), but are for those close to me.
It will be without doubt a tough uphill journey, and one day I will gather encourage to do it. Hopefully soon.
